Can We Meet Again for the Last Time by phoenixmoon

3:00 am again. I’ve lost count of how many nights I’ve been up this late. This same thought has been itching in my mind all day. I sent you a message asking to share what’s been on your mind. I know that you found comfort in knowing you would run into me at work and have to speak eventually. Now that we haven’t seen each other in 6 months it’s easy for you to run away from what troubles you. The things you dreaded talking about you knew you could come to me with. You couldn’t run to your jobs, your business, your school work. You had to meet those dark thoughts head on with me. I imagine that’s part of why you pushed me out of your life and then showed up again. You said you care about me. Always will. But each time you reach out to me it feels so empty. And when I respond you disappear for weeks again. It’s like the strength comes and when you’re in the middle of reaching out it slips away and you fade into the wind. I’ve needed our talks so badly these days. It doesn’t matter how many people I talk to for perspective I only want to speak with someone I considered such an incredible friend. I’ve been there for you so much and all I want is that same empathy in return during one of my darkest moments. So my idea is a long shot. I wanted to ask you if we could meet in person. Perhaps for the last time. Recreate that feeling of no choice but to let it all out. One last time and maybe we could finally come to an understanding. I say final but I know deep down I hope it’s not. Would you agree? Would you have time? Would you actually want to talk? Truth is I miss you every day. I have for 6 months. I know you’ve been going through so much as well in all this time. So why not? I’d set aside an entire day just to sit at a park and talk. I’ve played us meeting again in my head a few times. I honestly don’t know if I’d immediately shed tears the moment I look you in the eye. It all weighs so heavy on my heart. I connected with someone for the first and only time after moving here. You were finally a genuine person. Both our traumas run so deep and I know that’s where some of the connection comes from. Common interests and ways of thinking. I get it. Society in 2020 dictates that our friendship shouldn’t just be that based on those things. But that’s how I feel. You being a woman shouldn’t automatically force it to be romantic. And honestly I don’t even know if that’s one of the issues that prevents you from speaking to me at length again. I don’t know much of anything anymore. So will you accept my invitation? One last face to face. Talk about any and everything. Put it all on the table. I’m terrified to even send you the message truthfully. I feel like a yes or a no both send a shiver up my spine. No means our friendship just can’t be mended. A yes means there will be a day to come that will carry so much emotion. During a time where I’m over flowing with so many as is. There’s so much I can’t control in life right now including you letting me back into your life as a genuine friend. The only thing I can do is try. Try stand in front of you again. Maybe my face would convince you it’s ok to open up again. Or maybe it would make things that much worse. I guess I’m searching for a reason to keep trying. It’s just too painful to think that I could give up on you. I often wonder if I’m the only one up late thinking this way. I’ll be sure to ask if you feel it in your heart to agree. I feel lost without you “MS” and I think you feel the same. 🤞🏾