Haven't had a night like this in a while. Haven't felt like this for a long time. 3 am and sobbing in his jacket. Feeling empty. That heavy sick feeling. The kind where youre nauseous, exausted, and void. I cant tell if it's really about you. Maybe Im confused and mixing it with other shit. I can't hear your voice. I can't remember what you sound like. I dont know your scent. I wish I could hug you right now. Feel your shirt against my cheek. The vibration of your voice as you tell me you love me. Dad Im sorry. Please forgive me. I love you. I miss you. It isnt the same without you. Dad Im lost. Im alive but not living. My eyes open and yet I cant see a thing. Im not the kid I used to be. I feel hollow. A shell of the girl I was. Im wasting time hoping I get my tree. Hoping that it all stops and Im taken away. I want the tree but I know I havent earned it. I know I dont deserve it. Thank you for listening. I know we dont talk often but youre always in my heart. And no one can take that away. I hope to be a King like you.